“Do students even get wet during typhoons? I challenge this informant to produce these alleged wet students and maybe then I’ll believe it.”
(Manila) A high-ranking official from the Commission on Higher Education (CHED) came out late Tuesday with documents revealing a classified project between CHED and the Department of Education (DepEd) that seeks to create “waterproof students” by repeatedly exposing them to torrential rains during typhoons.
OPLAN AQUARIUS, as the project is called, calls for deliberately delayed announcements for class suspensions so that “students are exposed twice; once heading to school, and then again coming home when classes are suspended midday.”
The anonymous source claims OPLAN AQUARIUS has been in play since 1977.
“AQUARIUS has been in effect since 1977 but we are yet to produce a single waterproof student. I’m beginning to think students can’t be made waterproof.” the informant said.
The documents also reveal that short of producing an actual waterproof student, AQUARIUS also seeks to “weed out genetically undesirable students until only the strong remain.”
Meanwhile, a second project “OPLAN PISCES” was also cited in the documents but contained very few details as it seems to be tied to an Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) attempt at “producing soldiers who can breathe underwater to protect the Philippines from naval threats.”
“The second project, PISCES, is meant to produce soldiers who can breathe underwater. The idea was to turn over students identified in AQUARIUS as ‘water proficient’ to the AFP so that they could transplant fish gills on the kids.” the informant explained.
“I don’t know if any students have been turned over.” the source continued.
The AFP has refused to give an interview regarding the subject of OPLAN AQUARIUS or OPLAN PISCES but released this statement in response to queries:
“The AFP denies the existence of fish soldiers adapted from water proficient students but if such fish soldiers did exist, they are heroes for protecting our territorial waters.”
Both the DepEd and CHED have also denied any involvement in the alleged projects.
“These supposed projects are works of pure fiction. Do students even get wet during typhoons? I challenge this informant to produce these alleged wet students and then I’ll believe it.” DepEd Undersecretary David Yagit said.
Related News:
DOST Study: Filipino Students Not Waterproof


FLex Fronda
28 September 2011
T****** makunsesya naman sila sa mga estudyante!
TAO SILA AT HINDI HAYOP NA PWEDENG PAG EXPERTIMETUHAN LANG NANG KUNG SINO SINO!! MGA BOBO ba SILA!
Gemini
28 September 2011
dude, seryoso ka?
pimp
28 September 2011
@FLex Fronda: Ikaw ang bobo. obviously joke itong post na ito. ang dali mong mabola! inutil!
latmario
29 September 2011
hahaha! iLike!
Ronald
28 September 2011
ikaw ang bobo sir, di mo na gets! its a joke you dunce.. (The Maligno Sentinel – Reckless, Restless, Ridiculous News) nga eh..
Anonymous
29 September 2011
rojoaqui! is that you?! haha!
Anonymous
28 September 2011
T*** ina???? Naniniwala ka talaga dito????
)
)
)
tuldok89
28 September 2011
Natatawa ako sa comment mo tsong, ang lutong ng mura…pang chicharon lang
Anonymous
28 September 2011
HORY SHET!
)
Mi Yeong Gen
28 September 2011
hala hahaha nakakatawa yung comment grabeh
lalo na yung mga batang lalagyan ng fish gills
at yung mga sundalo na can breathe under water haha
Shenenengnengneng
28 September 2011
Tengeneng comment yan o! HAHAHA!
Collettes
28 September 2011
Hayup ang galing!! Wahahahha nakakaloko!
anony
28 September 2011
very funny
P0taness
28 September 2011
get a life! demn News!
Anonymous
28 September 2011
Bright side is nagkapera kahit walang pasok. nabasa ka nga lang hehe
CONCRND CITIZ3N
28 September 2011
stop trolling plese
CombatJanitor
28 September 2011
Mapuans are already waterproof, since 1925
Pao
28 September 2011
HAHAHAHA! you got that right!
nyok
28 September 2011
Obvious troll is obvious
Anonymous
28 September 2011
Uh…is this a joke? I cant really tell. Because its too stupid to be true.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
LOL… Kung totoo to napakaganda, parang CIA conspiracy, ibig sabihin may ginagawa ngang makahulugan gobyerno… pero malabo mangayari to, walang pakialam govenment sa mga ganyang bagay.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
p*****inang yan… di kami mga hayop para eksperimentuhan lang mga p*****ina ninyo
tuldok89
28 September 2011
Right-o Mr. Anon, you made my day.
ptngin@ ninyo
28 September 2011
p*t*ng*n* nila mga g*g* sila
AQUAKNIGHT
28 September 2011
MAPUA PLEASE!!, LETRAN IS WATERPROOF SINCE 1620..
diba brendo.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
is this a joke?. what nonesense
anonymous
28 September 2011
is this a joke? nonesense
tuldok89
28 September 2011
Priceless
Gulat na Gulat
28 September 2011
P***** Ina. Yun lang.
college student
28 September 2011
(napunta dito dahil sa maypasokba.com)
Ang cute naman nito.
Hindi pa inaannounce kung may pasok sa PUP o wala, tapos pagdating ng umaga saka lang nila isususpend pag nakapasok na.
Sayang pamasahe ko taga-Cavite pa ho ako.
Raul Albiol
28 September 2011
The F***?
The Only Sane Person
28 September 2011
Weed out the undesirable? Only the strong? F*** that. This is just inhumane. The hazards a storm bring is no joke. We, the students, can die because of this immensely stupid project. There are better ways to prove who the better students are. Forcing them to go to school while a typhoon rages outside is not one of those.
They might think we’ll just get wet, what about when we’re actually heading towards our destination? Did they ever think of that? Accidents can happen anytime, sure, but when you factor in a typhoon and a wet road? That brings the percentage you’ll be caught in an accident quite high. No matter how safely you travel, there’s always one idiot on the road.
There’s just no way a person can just suddenly grow gills and breathe underwater. People DROWN and DIE when you just up and leave them out in the water in just a mater of time.
Even if this was a joke, those people from CHED, DEPED, and the college higher ups really need to think. Not just us students. We pay to learn. We don’t pay to get sick nor be in danger. If that was what we were paying for, I’d rather learn by myself.
This makes me sick.
Noduh
28 September 2011
You, sir, are an idiot
tuldok89
28 September 2011
Dude, get a grip. Haven’t you heard of the word “satire”? Basahin mo sa wikipedia kung hindi mo alam haha. Tama nga, you’re the “only” sane person here… hahaha
Anonymous
1 October 2011
Wala ka namang sense of humor. At tama lang yung mga ganitong klaseng articles para ma-filter out ang mga taong hindi mahusay mag-isip (o tanga).
Charles Matthew Constantino Banaga
28 September 2011
maawa naman poh kayo samin hindi po kame hayop……. =(
tuldok89
28 September 2011
Gullible, the dude is gullible. Ginamit mo pa facebook account mo hahahaha
Anonymous
28 September 2011
si Flex Fronda, masyadong sineryoso. wahahahhahah!
Rattizzle Villanueva
28 September 2011
\m/ Project Aquarius! Whatever it is, I wan’t in!
Cody
28 September 2011
give me a break… -_-
Johnmichael Deguzman
28 September 2011
Ampppk . sabi walanq pasok tas . ano yun ! ampppk . nmn . para kayung mqa baliw .
Anonymous
28 September 2011
@CombatJanitor
Yeah I don’t doubt you there
Mapuans are waterproof from being drenched in their own tears after crying so much on how much of a failure they are for attending their school.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
combat janitor… dopey..?
Anonymous
28 September 2011
hahaha.. buti nlang kahit papano sa tip d na masyado waterproof.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
Ahahahahaha….. Nice 1 Combat Janitor….
Duh
28 September 2011
I know this is supposed to be satirical pero being human means you’re already waterproof. Pretty sure when you pour water on yourself hindi ka malulusaw.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
yea VIVA MAPUA
) hahahaha
Anonymous
28 September 2011
lols seryoso ba to? bullshit
Anonymous
28 September 2011
this would be better if the fish gills transplanting thing is omitted.. there’s no way that Philippines has the means to actually even think of the idea..
Anonymous
28 September 2011
kalokohan yan! walang magawa ang nag publish nito!
thelma f. acero
28 September 2011
nonesense!
Anonymous
28 September 2011
This is a joke guys. Title palang.
hazel
28 September 2011
tsk tsk. there really are idiots who believe this? i turn my nose up and maniacally laugh at you. it’s obviously a joke. yet as i scroll down i see people who say “shit, totoo ba to?” and “F*** that, that’s bad!” and other crap.
don’t read it if you don’t understand it boobs. If you’re easily offended, then f * * k off.
side note, very hilarious.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
Clearly, not everyone understands a satirical article unless it slaps them straight on the face.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
True, true.
lindsey
28 September 2011
WALANG PERPEKTONG TAO .. D NAMAN KAMI WATERPROOF .. SIGNAL #2 TAPOS ELEMENTARY AT HIGH SCHOOL LANG ANG WALANG PASOK? BAKIT ANG COLLEGE BA? WATERPROOF? SUS PURO LANG CLA GANYAN ..
Lali
28 September 2011
funny article. we used to carry those sentiments when we were students.
CollegeStudent
28 September 2011
Kala ko pa namam totoong article to. Fake news pala.
Anon
28 September 2011
seryoso may natroll dito? =))
reservedfornoone
28 September 2011
whatever project it is, count me in, having gills and serving afp won’t be that bad.
BADJAO
28 September 2011
waaahahahaha…..kala ko USA, RUSSIA AT NOKOR lang ang may gantong projects….ph din pala XD
LouieP
28 September 2011
wooo. da best. kung totoo sana to edi mala red alert ang buhay natin .haha
Laughing Anon
28 September 2011
The article is funny, but the comments section is even funnier!
… Sometimes I get the feeling that these “idiots” who seem to not get this satirical article are simply trolls who wait for unsuspecting, serious people to take their bait. You’d think you’re better than them because you get it and they don’t, but they could also be laughing at you right now for being too serious and not recognizing sarcasm when it’s right in front of you.
Oh, internet. XD
GoAdU
28 September 2011
at least it felt good :]
paknapak
28 September 2011
UST, transforming a university to a resort since 1611.
Virt
28 September 2011
hahaha! tama ka dyan!
99 purrshentth
28 September 2011
TAAKTE!! DAMI KO TAWA DITO MGA 99! HAHA
Usui Misaki
28 September 2011
baka nmn dahilan ng late na pag-announce eh para kumita ng extra mga namamasahe ng jeep/bus?
Ben Tenedero
28 September 2011
=))
Jomer Lennard Altez Ramallosa
28 September 2011
Joke ba to?
Anonymous
28 September 2011
this is ridiculous XD
Aeiou
28 September 2011
looooooooooool
Flamecrest
28 September 2011
Actually, this is kind of cool 8D
Para kahit maputik, hindi tatablahan ang mga ‘waterproof’ students. Then, maa-out of business ang umbrella and raincoat shops
Students + Fish gills FTW. Partida AFP pa maata-transplant ;D
Anonymous
28 September 2011
haha … wala nang tatalo sa students of PATTS .. yun tlga waterproof na.. since tinayo ang PATTS… tsk ts …kasi ,, Go SeaHorses nga daw kami … ahahay …… kahit Millenyo .. go .. pasok pa din ! >.<
Lol
28 September 2011
Rofl ^,.,^
Hardeep Kholsa
28 September 2011
This is so f****ng stupid. Why bash government agencies? Why cant filipinos be good citizens? No wonder your country is being left behind by the rest of the world. Monkeys.
Rex Carranza
28 September 2011
F*** you and your beliefs. There ARE good citizens in the Philippines.
Anonymous
29 September 2011
lol. how did u even get here? go back to wherever your make believe perfect country is and kiss your government’s ass.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
andami namang mga tanga dito.. tsk nanghihinayang ako sa mga tuition na pinaghihirapan ng mga magulang nyo.. hays buhay nga naman.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
TOTOO TO! NAKITA KO SA GMA KANINA!
askdhkasldhlkah
28 September 2011
bobo nun hahaha florida
Anonymous
28 September 2011
AHAHAHAHAHA! First time pa lang ma-mention yung “waterproof students” alam na eh. The article was already funny in itself but the comment section was EPIC! You guys made my day. ^___^
Anonymous
28 September 2011
Legendary article
EPIC Comments. ROFL!
WAHAHAHAH
28 September 2011
HAHAHAHAHAAHA katawa mga tao dito.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
pagkadghan bag bogo..haha
Anonymous
28 September 2011
hahaha ang tao dati ng waterproof… may balat tau diba… hindi nababasa ung mga lamang loob natin diba? eh logically a human is already waterproof
Anonymous
28 September 2011
t*** ina mo pala eh ikaw kaya tapon ko sa baha ng UST
Anonymous
28 September 2011
*slow clap*
This pseudo-article is very amusing! But what I find more amusing are those who fell in it X) Kudos to the author for making such an awesome site.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
kung meron mang water proof na students siguro yung mga thomasians na hahahahahhaa!!
Locke
28 September 2011
Waterproof nga ung mga studyante, basa naman ang gamit. o.o kung seryoso 2 dapat sooner or later napatalsik na lahat ng namamahala ng ched.
GoAdU
28 September 2011
hahaha. how about OPLAN:IMMORTAL for the workers?
tiggy
28 September 2011
masyodo niyong sineseryoso GRABEHHH
Anonymous
28 September 2011
I lol’ed during the AFP part.. mga Abu sayaf nga di nila kayang labanan kahit meron ng tulong na binibigay ang mga Kano. Tapos experiments na lagyan ng gills ang bata.? yeah right
Anonymous
28 September 2011
damn! UST is waterproof since 1611 :3
Anonymous
28 September 2011
ang daming nakakatawa dito!!! X))
anywaaaaay,,,isang bagyo pa! haha! di ko pa tapos project ko! wala naman kasing kuryente eh! XD
Chia
28 September 2011
Fish gills? What the heck.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
ahaha nttwa n lng ako habang bnbsa ko, OPLAN PISCES HAHA
) fish gill transplant!!!
David
28 September 2011
NICE!!! this is so EPIC!!:) FTW
I like it when bored and imaginative people does this kind of things
HELLO PEOPLE! there’s this thing called FREEDOM OFEXPRESSION
therefore, WALA KAYONG PAKIALAM KUNG ANUMANG KA**RAN**DUH*N ANG IPOST NG MGA TAO
SO JUST SHUT IT!!!
yun lang:)
& MABUHAY KAYO!!!
David
28 September 2011
NICE!!! this is so EPIC!!:) FTW. I like it when bored and imaginative people does this kind of things. HELLO PEOPLE! there’s this thing called FREEDOM OFEXPRESSION
therefore, WALA KAYONG PAKIALAM KUNG ANUMANG KA**RAN**DUH*N ANG IPOST NG MGA TAO. SO JUST SHUT IT!!!. yun lang:). & MABUHAY KAYO!!!
Snow
28 September 2011
I couldn’t stop laughing after the first few sentences. This is just pure gold.
Yun comment section naman, worth DIAMONDS. Di ako makapaniwala sa katangahan ng mga iba diyan, wahahahaha.
Anonymous
28 September 2011
can’t tell if trolling or just plain stupid (i’m referring to the comment BTW) hahaha
joshua
28 September 2011
SANA WALANG PASOK ANG LAKI NG BAHA D2
Bianca
28 September 2011
me likey hihi
Anonymous
28 September 2011
parang totoo kasi they are using names (ched, deped)
)
but reading the whole thing… WOW!
)
) sooo impossible
Looooove it
1. ridiculous names OPLAN AQUARIUS etc
2. they’re are looking for aquaman
3. EPIC COMMENTS
skylight21
28 September 2011
Wahaha sobrang benta!!!! =)))
Anonymous
28 September 2011
HAHAHAHAHA KUNG MGA PROFESSIONAL NGA NABABASA, ESTUDYANTE PA KAYA. PAG NALIGO BA KAYO, HINDI KAYO NABABASA? SAN BANDA ANG WATERPROOF? HAHAHA ANSABE
)))))))
JJJJJahe
28 September 2011
HOMG! TOTOO ITO. sabi ng isang friend ng friend ng asawa ng friend ng 4th cousin ng kapatid ng classmate ko na nakakakilala sa kapatid ng pinsan ng manugang ng friend ng thesis partner ng informant na totoo daw ang lahat ng mga nakasaad dito!!!!!!!!! DAPAT MA-ALARM TAYONG LAHAT SA BALITANG ITO.
Danna sy
29 September 2011
IMPOSSIBLE…
Wala nga tayong pondo pangdepensa sa Kalayaan Islands gagawa pa sila ng karumaldumal na kalokohan, i.e., waterproof college students?! It’s all hoolabaloo kaya…
Danna sy
29 September 2011
In fairness huh, kung gills ang usapan gusto ko yung akin yung sa tilapia!!wahahahahahaha!!woooooooooh!!
Anonymous
5 October 2011
This is actually real. I saw the classified documents and there’s another one not mentioned in this article.
That project is called Project Plankton. The project focuses on using plankers as weapons against China or any invading countries.
Because of their(plankers) below average IQ, as the document mentioned, plankers are easy to produce and train. Just simply lying facedown in front of an incoming tank, bones of twenty or more crushed plankers can slow down the tank.
The document also stated that by using plankers, the Philippine government won’t be wasting anything/anyone since plankers are useless anyway unless used as anti-tank weapons.
latmario
10 October 2011
Go, go, go, Plankers! Now I know; you serve some purpose pala.
Mayannk Patel
25 January 2012
Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts.
Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.
Waterproofing Chemicals